Protected: In a Crowd

I’ve been hanging out with people all weekend, and have had a ton of fun, but at the same time, I feel lonely.  I have never really not been in a relationship, and am watching all these people around me be in relationships and am jealous.  I have a ton of single friends, and I am going out every weekend, but sometimes I’d be willing to give it all up to find the right girl.  I’m whining, I know, but I have so much love to give the right girl, and I know she’s out there–I thought I found her once, and it turned out it wasn’t her.  But what if she was?  What if I missed my chance?

I should stop looking, I know that.  I should take the advice of some of my friends and play the field a little, but I get attached so easily; I know that if I were to date someone, I’d get all emotional and then it would just break my heart again.  Look what happened with Jess–I didn’t want to get into a serious relationship, but real feelings got involved and I would hurt her and myself in the end.  I can’t do that over and over again.  And I know I can’t do the meaningless sex thing because it winds up meaning something to me.  So that leaves me single and physically alone.  Much against my Capricorn nature, I’m a physical person; it’s what makes me feel  complete and needed in a relationship, which turns physical relations into emotional ones.

And it doesn’t help that my feelings for HER are growing no matter how much I try to stop them.  I really am screwed up.  Maybe it’s a good thing I’m going to see Kelly this week.


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One response to “Protected: In a Crowd

  1. Em

    “And it doesn’t help that my feelings for HER are growing no matter how much I try to stop them. ”

    AMEN sister. (See my Myspace. :P) I wish I had answers to give, hun. I told Lis the other day that I wish I could just find a way to make everyone happy. (Her response was something like “What? Your magical Irish septor hasn’t come in the mail yet? What’s up with that?!?” :smiles:) Despite the whole “Mercury – Venus” thing finally being over, everyone seems to be still dealing with shit. (Maybe it’s the aftermath.) I love you tons and if there was anything I could do to make things better, I would.