I’ve been hanging out with people all weekend, and have had a ton of fun, but at the same time, I feel lonely. I have never really not been in a relationship, and am watching all these people around me be in relationships and am jealous. I have a ton of single friends, and I am going out every weekend, but sometimes I’d be willing to give it all up to find the right girl. I’m whining, I know, but I have so much love to give the right girl, and I know she’s out there–I thought I found her once, and it turned out it wasn’t her. But what if she was? What if I missed my chance?
I should stop looking, I know that. I should take the advice of some of my friends and play the field a little, but I get attached so easily; I know that if I were to date someone, I’d get all emotional and then it would just break my heart again. Look what happened with Jess–I didn’t want to get into a serious relationship, but real feelings got involved and I would hurt her and myself in the end. I can’t do that over and over again. And I know I can’t do the meaningless sex thing because it winds up meaning something to me. So that leaves me single and physically alone. Much against my Capricorn nature, I’m a physical person; it’s what makes me feel complete and needed in a relationship, which turns physical relations into emotional ones.
And it doesn’t help that my feelings for HER are growing no matter how much I try to stop them. I really am screwed up. Maybe it’s a good thing I’m going to see Kelly this week.