Figured Something Out

I was chatting with Ellie via text earlier and figured something out. She’s been having a rough time at work lately–nothing job-threatening (that I know of), but it’s stressful and frustrating her to no end. And I can’t blame her for that.

But, her being stressed over her job gives me HUGE anxiety. I finally figured out why–it’s because of one of my ex-girlfriends. In college, I dated a woman that could NOT keep a job, no matter what. I’m talking, quitting jobs within the first MONTH type of not keeping a job. I blame her for a lot of my money issues; I supported her financially for pretty much the entire 2 years we were together, putting myself into deep credit card debt. I’m not saying she was the total reason for my difficulties, but I do feel things may not have been so bad if I didn’t have to try to support 2 people on my $7/hour Work Study job.

I don’t think Ellie will ever put me in a situation like this. Even when she was out of work last year, she pulled as many shifts at her part-time job as she could, fought with Unemployment and her former company to get paid, and worked her ASS off to get her current job. She has never asked me to pull more than my weight financially, often taking on more herself. But this all this still hasn’t totally overcome the internal stress that is triggered when her job isn’t going well.

Now to figure out how to get over myself…



Filed under Relationships

2 responses to “Figured Something Out

  1. lizzielizzie

    I think just recognizing it helps a LOT. Also, talking to Ellie about it so she is aware in case you freak out at some point, so she knows why and can hopefully avoid freaking out back at you. πŸ™‚

  2. eternalhearts

    Thanks Liz, I felt so much better after writing the entry, and we discussed it a little bit last night. It’s such a weird concept being nervous about something that happened so long ago and isn’t a real concern anymore. Stupid psyche πŸ˜›