Category Archives: Me

An Interesting Resolution Concept: One Word

I’m not one for New year’s Resolutions because, frankly, they don’t succeed. I’d love to know if any of my readers have succeeded at one of their resolutions, ever. There is something being discussed on #sachat however that intrigues me: One Word Resolution. Some of the Tweeters I follow did this in 2011, and inspired many more to try it out in 2012. The idea behind this is that you select one word to sum up who you want to be or how you want to live for the year that you concentrate on every day.

As I look back at 2011 and ahead for 2012, I can see EXACTLY what word I need to  select for this project: FOCUS.

Image from "Learning Fundamentals"

In fact, this has been something I should have concentrated on for years, but I’m not going to worry about the past. With the new-ish job, Girl Scouts, wedding planning, housework, hobbies, Ellie and friends, I don’t have a lot of time available for screwing around aimlessly. Well, a ton of screwing around anyway. I know that when I follow a schedule and check things off my to-do list, I’m a happier person, and less prone to bouts of anxiety. When I get caught up in the cycle of anxiety, I shut down and don’t accomplish anything.

So, focus.

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State of the Jessi

I thought it had been way longer than 2 weeks since my last post. Work has kept me THAT busy. I like the busyness to a point, but I could absolutely use a little bit of a break. It also stresses me out some because, this time next year, I’M SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY HONEYMOON DAMNIT!!! And neither Ellie nor I want to do a belated honeymoon. I’ve spoken to one of my supervisors and she says it should be okay if I and my more immediate supervisor come up with a plan for getting everything done.

I feel like my life is a lot more hectic than it is. I work regular hours (although I add a couple hours for commuting), and don’t do much after work. Maybe though, because we’ve had plans the last few weekends, and I’ve been doing other things (like a Girl Scout training on Wed, and taking a training next Wed), it seems like a lot more than it really is.

Honestly, life’s pretty uninteresting. Except for the fact I just discovered that people really DO play quidditch (a game played in Harry Potter…on flying brooms…). I was visiting the office of a colleague on the other side of the building and I saw students running around with brooms between their legs tossing balls around. I was flabbergasted to be quite honest! J was telling me that they play every Friday in the fall, and the snitch is actually a person dressed in yellow! I’m really kind of jealous that I’m on this side of the building because I want to see more! Maybe, since I was 17 when the first book was published, I’m just too old to really appreciate this game as more than an opportunity to stare in wonder.

What else? Mentally prepping for the holidays, working on my cross-stitch, and generally being an internet hermit. Although I have an awesome new Android, I don’t spend much time online outside of work except for checking Twitter/Facebook on the phone (speaking of, I need something to keep me occupied at work, and I haven’t found a Facebook game that’s keeping me entertained–any ideas?). There’s also wedding stuff, but it’s back-burner for a little bit longer. But yeah, no updates because life is boring. Which is both good and bad.

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A Confession

Today, I read an article on Discovery news entitled, “Women’s Clothing Sizes: Is a 4 Really a 4?” and it hit a sore spot within my psyche. From the article for those of you not interested in reading it:

THE GIST

  • As Americans have grown bigger, clothing sizes have become more generous.
  • The way clothes fit has a big impact on how women feel about their bodies and themselves.
  • In general, most clothes don’t fit most people very well.

None of this is unfamiliar to us these days, but it was the last paragraph of the article, a quote from researcher Lenda Jo Connell from Auburn University, that made me decide to write a post. She said, “Research shows that women tend not to say, ‘These manufacturers need to get off it and figure out good sizing that fits the American public,” Connell said. “They say, ‘I don’t fit the average size, and there’s something wrong with me.’ I think it’s really devastating to so many people.(emphasis mine)

It IS devastating. Ellie probably can’t tell you the number of times I’ve have breakdowns in the middle of a store dressing room, or how many shirts I have that are slightly too big because it’s easier than worrying about the possibility of the little rolls on my back showing, or to hide the size and shape of my chest. I’d seriously wear super-strength sports bras all the time except I think they make me look worse than regular bras. The number 1 reason I don’t wear skirts other than when I dress up? Because it’s too much work to find shorts that will look okay under them, I don’t like the look of leggings, and spanx are too uncomfortable to wear unless I have to.I’ve essentially stopped wearing shorts because I’m so mentally and physically uncomfortable in them when I sit or walk. I try to avoid button-down blouses just in case there is gaping. I can’t go shopping alone because I will second, third, and fourth guess everything until I’m in a panic.

I’ll admit that I loathe my body. You name a part, and I hate it, except my eyes. Those are the 2 things on my entire body that can be seen without machines that don’t make me want to cry when looking at them. And I even want to replace those by getting Lasik.

Am I hideous? No, and I realize there are people out there with bigger problems, but it doesn’t make mine any less difficult to live with. I also know that I’m not alone, which makes me feel a little better, but fails to solve the problem, which is continually perpetuated and reinforced by media and designers.

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Public Blogging?

I’ve been thinking lately that maybe I should stop blogging here and create a new blog that is less personal and that I’d be more willing to let anyone read. I’d keep my personality in the new blog since there’s not MUCH I want to hide from the internet at large, but I know that this blog has some stuff that is less than professional-friendly and the username “eternalhearts” is my “play” name.

The new blog would pretty much cover the same stuff I discuss now: interesting articles/newsbits/links, Girl Scouts, Higher Education and Student Affairs, Foodie Findings, Red Sox, etc, but I’d be less apt to just rant like a baby (I have LJ/Dreamwidth for that) or bitch about inane things. Heck, I might even transfer most of this blog over to the new one!

I’d REALLY like feedback on this!

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Determined to Post

Well, other than working at my GA this week (in addition to my regular shifts, I’ve been proctoring exams for the Disability Office, and finals are next week, so I’m getting a ton of hours), I have nothing to do until I get a job. So, I am making a promise to myself that I will treat my weekdays as semi-work days.

So, this is a written promise to myself and readers (the few of you that exist) that I will do the following until I get a job:

  • Make a post to one of my 3 main blogs (here, spiritual and/or wedding) at least twice per week.
  • Spend at least two days per week searching and applying for real jobs. I have been notorious for saving jobs but not applying in a reasonable amount of time, and have begun to slack off more about actually searching.
  • Spend at least one day per week searching for temporary employment to supplement until I get a real job.
  • Read a real book for at least half an hour three days per week. I would like to get this up to five days, but am going to set small goals. I spend FAR too much time on my computer and need to cut the crap.
So, let’s see how this little experiment goes, shall we?

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