You know how I was talking about this year being shitty, but still relatively good? Well, it just got a little less good. My mom passed away on Monday night, extremely suddenly. Suddenly as in, she’d had a chemo treatment, spent the afternoon/evening chatting with my dad, and was on the phone with me planning rides to her appointments next week when she (I assume) collapsed.
The last day and a half has been pretty insane. Between 2 round-trips to my hometown, meeting with the funeral director, and today making calls to the people in her phone, I’m feeling pretty drained. A word of warning as my readers age and their families pass on: it’s WORSE contacting others because you feel compelled to console them at the same time they are trying to console you, and there are no words either can say to 1) express your sorrow and sympathy; or 2) actually console. In the coming weeks, I’m going to have to deal with her existing bills, SSI, and probably things I haven’t yet thought about.
I know that you all want to know how I’m holding up. I’m doing okay. Still in a lot of shock because it was SO SUDDEN–we all thought Mom would get worse, or we’d have some kind of sign that she was nearing the end. Like with my brother, it’s going to be a roller-coaster, albeit in a different way. I’m not entirely sure what to expect over the coming weeks, but I’m not sure I’m looking forward to it to be honest. I’m thinking I was put back on anti-anxiety meds just in time.
Filed under Uncategorized
I’ve been totally MIA lately, but as you can see from the plethora of categories, it’s been a time. A month ago my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and it doesn’t look great. She’s receiving radiation now, and will be re-evaluated this week to determine where it is and what the chemo process is going to be. I can’t express feeling/emotion to my family because I have been “the rock” since childhood, so I’ve been holding in a lot and it’s honestly starting to fuck with my head. Ellie’s been MY rock through this, and I wish I could express how much that means to me, or let her in more.
Graduation was Friday, so I am officially an MS in College Student Development & Counseling. This also means I need a job ASAP because there are no more loans coming in and no more money in my Assistantship stipend. I also feel compelled to be the proper little housewife for the duration of my unemployment, but the feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed make it hard to become motivated.
A week ago, President Obama announced the death of Osama Bin Laden. Although it’s been over a week, I still wanted to record my thoughts for posterity. I’m happy that justice has been served, but am saddened by the fact that so many people are expressing JOY at a person’s death, like we’ve just won the World Series after 86 years. I feel it was disrespectful to all of the victims of his rein of terror and hate. I also fear it will fuel his followers into carrying on his mission. I honestly don’t think this will change much, if anything when it comes to terrorism around the globe. Pessimistic outlook to have, but true.
I’m off to do some housework and then, hopefully, send out a couple more job applications. We’ll see how that goes.
The holidays are half over. If this blizzard allows, we are heading to NJ tomorrow morning for Part 2 with Ellie’s family. Yesterday was Christmas with my family and between us. Now, there is a new trend amongst the Pagan communities to demean those us us that celebrate Christmas because we’re “feeding the beast” or “letting the Christians win” or some other bullshit. I may or may not discuss my feelings in more depth, but that will likely be on my Spiritual Blog if I do. Suffice it to say that I celebrate Christmas because I am the only non-Christian in my family and amongst those friends that I’m close enough to celebrate holidays with. I’m not going to deny their holiday (even if it IS secular in nature) just because it’s not my religion.
I hate the consumerism of Christmas, and how it’s influence has affected so many of the other mid-Winter holidays. That’s why I mainly ask for things I need or those things I REALLY want but won’t buy for myself–like a rice cooker–because it’s not really a necessity, but my family feels good getting it because they feel they are indulging me. Sitting here looking at what my family and Ellie got, I’m really pleased because most of the gifts this year fit that theme. My mom likes getting crap, like stuffed animals and stupid frivolous stuff like that, which influences her shopping, but having been out of work the first 6 months of the year really helped curb her need to buy shit and I can only think of one gift that I will be donating to Goodwill–a mug she packaged with some hot apple cider packets she gave us. That’s an AMAZING year for her 😀
Christmas was small this year, but I prefer that–I’d much rather get items I need/can use/appreciate rather than a bunch of toys or knick-knacks that are just going to sit around and raise my anxiety because I’m surrounded by too much stuff. The only things that went overboard was candy–my mom likes to fill the stockings and even gift bags with the stuff, so we’re going to become diabetic by the time January is over.
I’m a little nervous about Ellie’s family celebration because there are so many of them and no one really knows how to say “no” to buying gifts, but I am hoping it’ll be lighter this year because no one has been immune to the financial struggles that have been affecting everyone.
Filed under Uncategorized
This past Sunday, a woman I grew up with, and had re-connected with a few weeks ago, killed herself by injesting cyanide she had taken from the lab she worked at. She lived up the street from where I grew up, and some years we took teh same buss to school. We were in most of the same classes, and had even begun to become friendly in the 8th grade–if I’d stayed in my town’s public school, I could have actually considered her a friend.
Yet, because of teh way she took her life, she is plastered all over the news, and all the media can discuss is the fact that she stole cyanide from her lab (and of course she worked at the same university I attend, so I’m getting updates through my school email as well as the media) and how “very, very dangerous” all of this is and “OMG, TERRORISTS could get cyanide too!!” A couple of articles even discussed for a hot second the possibility that she was accidentally killed by the stash she was intending to sell.
I’m not saying that the university shoulnd’t review their lab policies; or even that teh state and local officials shouldn’t be investigating the policies in place at other schools and companies that have dngerous chemicals. I’m just wonderign where teh humanity is in all of this. Sure, a few of the articles have mentioend the good-bye post she made on Facebook, or that she was a figure skater and had just been accepted into a Master’s program, but that info takes up about 1 or 2 sentences compared to the 2-3 paragraphs devoted to the cyanide.
Maybe I’m asking too much because I knew her. But maybe I’m not.
So, one of the most random things happened yesterday. I had gone with Ellie to Brookline for a dental consult, planning to spend the day together going on one of the walks from City Walks: Boston, which is a deck of 50 cards that provide a mile-long walk and points of interest for various neighborhoods of Boston.
Anyway, we were walking up to Coolidge Corner where our “Walk” began when a guy approached us asking if we were local. “Not really, we’re from Quincy, but can see if we can help.” Well, the guy didn’t need directions or anything normal like that, he needed someone to watch the stray cat he’d found. Apparently he was on his way to a Dr. appointment when the cat just came up to him. His wife had always wanted a cat, so he was planning to take it home, but felt bad leaving it locked up in his car alone. He even offered to pay us for the half-hour catsitting.
The day still being early and us being in a fairly good mood, we agreed and went to his car where the scruffy orange was curled up on the floor. He opened the passenger door so we could sit and socialize with kitty, thanked us and ran off to his appointment. The cat seemed young-ish, definitely under a year, but not feral at all–he came right up to Ellie and was very amenable to being pet and loved. However, his weight, the scruffiness of his fur and some bumps and bruises (including an infected cut on his ear) showed us that he seemed to have been on his own for a while.
The guy came back, and we hadn’t planned on taking the money he’d mentioned, but when we saw the wad of cash, we were happy to take the $10 (it paid for our ice cream later on!). He was very thankful, both for us catsitting and for giving him some advice on getting the cat socialized initially. I’m wishing him the best of luck, it seems like he’s got himself a great cat.